Friday, January 7, 2011

date my friend

Last night, wine-glasses in hand, Brett and I logged onto his OKCupid profile to attempt to figure out why the Bay Area date-seeking ladies he's been reaching out to through the site have been unresponsive to his undoubtedly clever and charming emails of late. Frankly, it's a mystery to me, as I (biased adoring friend though I may be) consider him to be sexy, brilliant, funny and kind. I made a few tweaks to his wording and descriptors and chose a few new photos to post, but kept the essence of his profile true to who he is. I felt good about the changes and am hopeful that it will help send some quality women his way. Still, it is my understanding that a letter of recommendation always helps move the selection process along more quickly, and so I invite you to read on:

Dear Madam,

It is with great pleasure that I recommend my friend Brett for the position of casual date and/or potential boyfriend. I have known Brett for a year-and-a-half and our time as friends has been nothing short of wonderful. After a brief dance-floor makeout session in July of 2009, followed by one enjoyable but indicative-of-a-lack-of-chemistry date a few weeks later, we quickly assessed that our relationship is meant to be platonic, and so we have spent the better part of the past twenty months engaging in a close and happy friendship. We frequently cook (it should be noted that he has a spectacular kitchen), go on wine country trips and take in the San Francisco bar scene together. As his friend, confidant and frequent drinking buddy, I believe I am in an excellent position to recommend him, so please see below for a list of reasons why you should be dating my friend Brett:

He's easy on the eyes. Though it's certainly not the most important determining factor in your agreeing to go out with Brett (you're obviously not some kind of superficial, looks-obsessed diva), it's undeniable that you won't at least think about it, so know that he has the boyish charm of a blond Hugh Grant with a distinguished Clooney-esque twist. He dresses in clean, classic clothing and has excellent hygiene. He usually wears contacts, but does own a pair of "hot professor" glasses.

He's highly-educated and gainfully employed. Brett has a PhD in molecular biology (so that's Dr. Brett, if you please) and holds a senior position at a large biotech firm in the Bay Area. He's worked hard to get to where he is and takes his job seriously. His position has afforded him several opportunities to travel the globe for work, so go ahead and add "well-traveled" to the mix.

He's generous. Even as his friend, I have to work hard to get him to allow me to pick up the occasional check. This is, of course, not an invitation to gold-diggers (Brett can sniff them out a mile away), but rather an aspect of his personality indicative of his inherent kindness.

He's always up for an adventure. Brett is constantly seeking out new ways to have fun. Whether he's climbing Half Dome in Yosemite, skiing in Tahoe (wearing a ridiculous 1980's snowsuit, no less) or exploring the outskirts of town, he's in it to learn new things and make the most of life.

He's a great teacher. Brett has taught me (among many other things) how to make a White Russian, how to break up with someone gracefully, how to decorate a Christmas tree, how to drink from a beer funnel without choking and how to have an entire conversation with my eyebrows. Just think of what you could learn.

He's handy. Brett is a homeowner (highly impressive in pricey San Francisco) and has spent the past few years remodeling his beautiful home. He has knocked out and restored closets, built the aforementioned spectacular kitchen and installed flooring, to name a few. So, yeah, he's a sexy doctor who knows how to fix things.

In conclusion, you really ought to be dating my friend Brett. For further information or if you have any questions (and I mean this in all seriousness), please don't hesitate to contact me.

Very Sincerely,

Gabrielle L. Moskowitz


Julie said...

Wow, he sounds like a truly amazing guy, too bad I live in Colorado!

Reesie said...

You are such a good friend! And he sounds like a great guy.

Eric said...

I did 6 months of til i found a truely wonderful woman on there. Couple of things:
Brett needs to STAND OUT from the crowd. You've told me all the STANDARD NICE things about him. They may be true (and that's awesome) but someone will find out those things about him anyways. But what are the things that make him unique and special? Try this, have him log in and take a peek at the men side of things. What are the hetro men saying in all their profiles? Is it all the same nice stuff? Make his profile NOT like what you see in there. It's hard, trust me, i spent WEEKS on mine and was never fully satisfied. keep at it, be persistant, and keep your mind open. You never know when cupids arrow will strike. Cliché I know, but SO damn true.