Friday, December 17, 2010

the right thing

"Remind me why I'm doing this again?" my best friend beseeched me on the phone early this morning. She was sitting in her car across the country in Tennessee, waiting to go into a coffee shop where she was meeting her boyfriend to break up with him.

We had been speaking at length about his inadequacies for the past couple of weeks. We gave him third and fourth chances. To our disappointment, he continued to blow it despite our (well, her) gentle feedback. He was a nice guy but he wasn't the guy for her.

It was two hours earlier here in San Francisco and I was still half-asleep, padding around my kitchen making coffee. Groggy though I may have been, I knew the answer to her question: "Because he isn't a good boyfriend. Because he breaks his promises. Because he doesn't make time for you. Because he is still listed as 'Single' on Facebook even though you've been dating for three months and that really bothers you. Mostly though because lately his behavior has been consistently making you unhappy and why would you stay in a situation that makes you unhappy?"

"Right," she said. "Thanks."

I feel for the guy, I really do. He's a good and loving person and I truly do believe that he has genuine feelings for her. But feelings, I'm learning, are not always enough to overcome life circumstances. Sometimes logistics outweigh emotions and the responsible thing--the most grown-up thing--to do is to kindly but firmly say goodbye. Though it's clear to me that it's the right thing for her to do, I'm the first to acknowledge that it sucks. Hard.

Like my best friend, I'm trying to be responsible in my own life. And just like her, I'm finding that, even though there is a good feeling that comes from doing what I know to be the right thing, sometimes it really fucking sucks.

1 comment:

cotleen said...

Amen, sister. Truer words were never written... and those words help so much!