Sunday, April 5, 2020

An Echad Mi Yodea/Who Knows One for Your Social Distancing Seder

Who knows one? I know one. One is my house, which is now also an office, gym, and school.

Who know two? I know two. Two are my hands, which I now wash constantly for at least twenty seconds.

Who knows three? I know three. Three is the number of days COVID-19 remains on metal and plastic, and also the number of husbands Joe Exotic had in Tiger King.

Who knows four? I know four. Four AM existential grief and panic attacks.

Who knows five? I know five. Five days to ripe sourdough starter!

Who knows six? I know six. Six feet of distance between yourself and others.

Who knows seven? I know seven. Seven days in a week...I think? Maybe? What is time?

Who knows eight? I know eight. Eight people maximum in a Zoom call before everything starts going to shit.

Who knows nine? I know nine. Nine is the total number of toilet paper rolls left in the entire state of California.

Who knows ten? I know ten. "Ten out of ten" is the score Trump gave himself for his shameful mishandling this pandemic.

Who knows eleven? I know eleven. Eleven A.M. cocktails are a thing now.

Who knows twelve? I know twelve. Twelve months minimum until we have a vaccine.

Who knows thirteen? I know thirteen. Thirteen professional awards bestowed upon the great Dr. Anthony Fauci.

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