Saturday, October 22, 2011

chicken

Judging by appearances, it would seem that I am pretty awesome at the whole post-romance friendship thing. I'll gladly grab a beer, catch up and listen to you talk about your latest conquest/new girlfriend/woman from Match.com you're currently texting. I'll pick up the phone and sound genuinely concerned when you call because you're upset that your buddy is dating your ex-girlfriend. I will acquiesce when you say you're going to quote me in your OKCupid profile. I will even send you a goddamn chicken recipe when that girl from work finally agrees to go over to your house for dinner.

But that recipe isn't the only chicken in this situation; I have not exactly been honest with you.

You see, I foolishly led you (and myself) to believe that I could seamlessly maneuver my way from girlfriend to friendgirl. And you and I get along so well and we have a lot of fun together, so why wouldn't we be friends? But I neglected to consider that this whole thing might take me some time to fully get over--to completely cease feeling nauseous each time you talk about another girl. I failed to realize that I might actually have needed a break from you--from us--before I belly-flopped into the murky waters of the platonic diving pool with you. I may no longer want to share your bed, but that doesn't mean I want to hear about all the ladies who do,

Just so we're clear, I do like the idea of us being friends--I even like being friends with you most of the time. I just think that, for the time being, you should probably find another friend with whom to dissect your latest dates, hook-ups and heartbreaks. Maybe even a therapist.

Alternately, you may discuss them with me in 6 months or once I start dating someone else--whichever comes soonest.

4 comments:

Sarah Kozak said...

Harry Burns: Would you like to have dinner?... Just friends.

Sally Albright: I thought you didn't believe men and women could be friends.

Harry Burns: When did I say that?

Sally Albright: On the ride to New York.

Harry Burns: No, no, no, I never said that... Yes, that's right, they can't be friends. Unless both of them are involved with other people, then they can... This is an amendment to the earlier rule. If the two people are in relationships, the pressure of possible involvement is lifted... That doesn't work either, because what happens then is, the person you're involved with can't understand why you need to be friends with the person you're just friends with. Like it means something is missing from the relationship and why do you have to go outside to get it? And when you say "No, no, no it's not true, nothing is missing from the relationship," the person you're involved with then accuses you of being secretly attracted to the person you're just friends with, which you probably are. I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let's face it. Which brings us back to the earlier rule before the amendment, which is men and women can't be friends.

Gabe Russell said...

Where's the 'like' button on this thing? I'm old.

Rebecca Kee said...

WELL SAID! And one can assume that if such a guy isn't smart enough to know how to keep you, he ain't got the brains for common courtesy or empathy either.

blakelandau said...

being friends with an ex is really sticky territory. I'm not close friends with any of my ex boyfriends. It's hard to re-build a friend based relationship after so much time being in a romantic relationship with them. And I'd rather make new friends--baggageless friendships--then spend time in something that's hurtful or confusing. I applaud you for being a friend to your ex, but won't judge you or blame you if you decide to stop sending him chicken recipes.